Why Can't Church Be Like a Bar?

Have you ever spent any time at your local sports bar or pub? At the very least, do you remember the show Cheers? There is a certain allure to the bar, and contrary to what most “good Christian folk” think, it’s generally not the alcohol.

The best thing about the bar is that you can come together and hang out with your friends. You talk about love, life, sports…sometimes even politics. You share experiences, catch up on each other’s lives, help each other through difficult times, celebrate the good times. To me, those were some of the closest, deepest friendship connections in my life. It was community in its purest sense. And I miss it.

In a seminal 1986 study, Sense of Community, McMillan and Chavis identified four elements of "sense of community": 1) membership, 2) influence, 3) integration and fulfillment of needs, and 4) shared emotional connection

In biological terms, a community is a group of interacting organisms sharing an environment. In human communities, intent, belief, resources, preferences, needs, risks, and a number of other conditions may be present and common, affecting the identity of the participants and their degree of cohesiveness. In sociology, the concept of community has caused infinite debate, and sociologists are yet to reach agreement on a definition of the term. Indeed, one can find 94 discrete definitions of the term even as early as mid-1950s. Traditionally a "community" has been defined as a group of interacting people living in a common location. The word is often used to refer to a group that is organized around common values and social cohesion within a shared geographical location, generally in social units larger than a household. Wider meanings of the word can refer to the national community or global community. Communis comes from a combination of the Latin prefix com- (which means "together") and the word munis probably originally derived from the Etruscan word munis- (meaning "to have the charge of").

The community that happens in the local bar over a pint of Coors or Coke is like nothing else in this world. I know in my life I crave those types of connections, the total involvement in each other’s lives. Sharing opinions, thoughts, ideas. Views on religion, why the Cubs haven’t won the Series in over 100 years, how your dating (or married) relationship is going. You are yourself, honest, and even if you embellish a story just a tad bit, your friends still love and care about you. It all comes back to that single concept: community.

As I said before, I miss that. Now that my “taste of the Rockies” comes in a green can that says Mt. Dew on the side, I’ve lost my community. I almost feel bad saying that. I go to church every week, sure, but... What frightens me the most is that the more involved at church I got, the more I tried to find that sense of community like I found atthe bar, the more lonely I've become.  Why?  Because I realize that it’s just not there.

You can’t be honest at church, everyone expects you to be one way or another. You can’t really share at church because people don’t really want to hear it because hey, they’d be late for lunch. You don’t talk about sports, politics, relationships, things you’re struggling with at church. Really, you can't talk about anything deep (like God) because no one wants to talk about that.  Just "be cool" and "be different" but for heaven's sake don't talk about stuff!  So you go to church and pretend to be happy because everyone else looks happy, and if someone doesn’t look happy people are looking around nervously wondering who will get stuck talking to that person. I realize that’s a broad characterization in some respects, but I think we’ve all had some portion of that church experience.

So here’s my question for you. How can we make church more like a bar? I’m not suggesting we swap out the Welch’s for Merlot at Communion or put a keg next to the sound booth, but as far as the community aspect goes, how do we do that? 

Encounter: What kind of community does your heart want? How can we get there?