Sandal Dust

Over the past decade or so, there have been numerous publications across multiple denominations that ask the question: "Why are young people leaving the church?"

There are multiple theories as to why this is.  The church is to old-fashioned, they church doesn't "get it" or isn't "hip" enough.  The church is full of judgmental hypocrites, so why bother to stay?  The church has nothing to offer.  This is just a sampling theories, and countless committees and groups have tried different tactics to counteract the trend.  You see "flashier" services, complete with all the multimedia trimmings and contemporary music.  Where once there were suits and ties, you see jeans and t-shirts.  Many churches will bend over backwards trying to show how accepting they are, trying to be everything to everyone.

And is nothing wrong with any of that, and in some instances it does stem the exodus of young people from the pews, at least temporarily.  However, I would posit that most of the mainstream discussion and reaction to it misses the core reason people leave the church: THE CHURCH DOES NOT WANT ME.

That is not an easy discussion to have, because it can be a painful one.  Often, if someone brings up that the church does not want them, they are directed to a small group, or shown how the church has reached out to other people "like them" or in a similar situation.  But that misses the point of the church does not want ME.

But how is it that the church demonstrates a person is unwanted?  Through acts such as intimidation, humiliation, intense criticizing, insulting, belittling, and name calling that have the effect of making a person believe they are not worthwhile.    Sometimes it is not always overt, but through an "off hand" remark, or encouraging volunteerism, but when the role is done cutting people off with little or no word at all.  Insinuation that a person is not "good enough" or not "welcome" has virtually the same effect as if it is specifically stated.  And most people, when faced with that, leave.

Some of those that don't leave, even in the face of adversity (real or perceived), may fall into a different category.  They may not want to be at church, but don't leave because their family is there, perhaps their children are in Sabbath school, they may fear a public humiliation, or perhaps have developed a learned helplessness/hopefulness type of psychological dependency on the church.  People that have developed a "learned hopefulness" continue to hope the situation will improve because they wish this to be the case, and often times the offending party promises to change (LaViolette & Barnett, 2000).  Yet, in the end, they are hurt all over again in a cycle that appears endless and unbreakable.

Therein lies the core problem of why young people really leave the church, or why those that don't are not connected in any meaningful way.  It is a painful factor of the modern church, but it must, in my view, be a part of any discussion about the exodus of young people from the pews.

One of the Seventh-day Adventist Church founders, Ellen White, gives some sage advice that we should heed:

Christ's method alone will give true success in reaching the people. The Saviour mingled with men as one who desired their good. He showed His sympathy for them, ministered to their needs, and won their confidence. Then He bade them, "Follow Me."

There is need of coming close to the people by personal effort. If less time were given to sermonizing, and more time were spent in personal ministry, greater results would be seen. The poor are to be relieved, the sick cared for, the sorrowing and the bereaved comforted, the ignorant instructed, the inexperienced counseled. We are to weep with those that weep, and rejoice with those that rejoice. Accompanied by the power of persuasion, the power of prayer, the power of the love of God, this work will not, cannot, be without fruit.

Do we, as a church, still have what it takes to make a personal effort to befriend and come close to people?  Or have we simple fallen back to good sermons, good music, and a couple of tent meetings to get people to come to us?  Have we become more focused on filling pews with the proper swath of demographics, or, as Ellen White suggests, do what Jesus would do and build personal connections, friendships, deep bonds, with all people, young or old?

I would suggest that if we behaved as Christ followers, truly made it about Jesus above all, and treated people as He did, that the church would be bursting at the seams with people!  But if we continue the path of mirroring a Jesus who does not want ME to people, then they will do what He instructed.  "And if a town refuses to welcome you, shake its dust from your feet as you leave to show that you have abandoned those people to their fate." (Luke 9:5)


Encounter: Are we willing to get outside our comfort zone, leave our walls, and make personal connections with people?  Or are we content with the one or two that straggle in out of the dust storm?

Making Atheists

“The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians, who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, then walk out the door and deny Him by their lifestyle.  That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.” – Brennan Manning

It seems like everywhere I turn, I am confronted with anger, hatred, and lies.  Some days the torrent seems endless. It comes by mail, it’s every other commercial on TV and the radio.  It’s billboards and yard signs and bumper stickers.  People who say they are Christians, but are screaming louder than everyone else, not about God, but about hating the politician they don’t like.

“The greatest single cause of atheism…”

What depresses me most of all though is the constant onslaught of social media posts that scream louder and are most often meaner than anything in the outside world.  I’ve seen such vitriol posted from ordained elders and pastors it makes me physically ill.  People who lead worship, lead prayer, and preach about God’s love, posting things so awful it makes me sick even to think about it.

“…is Christians…”

I’ve stopped going on Facebook these days, I just can’t take any more of the hatred and filth being posted there by both church leaders and officials and folks who are in the pews every week, singing praises about God.  The Apostle James got it right when he exclaimed, “So blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right!” (Jas. 3:10).  But every day, almost without fail, hateful things are spewed out and posted for all the world to see.

“…who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, then walk out the door and deny Him…”

I’ve stopped going to church, too.  I just can’t do it any more.  How can I find God when the people leading prayer and worship walk out of church and post hateful, vile things on the internet.  Maybe even FROM church, with smart phones and iPads and what have you.  If they can say such horrible things about our elected leaders, whom they’ve never met, what must they be saying about me?  And what does it say about the church? 

“That is what an unbelieving world simply finds…unbelievable.”

Jesus wasn’t like that.  Jesus loved people.  One of the final instructions He gave us before He died was “Love each other.  Just as I have loved you, you should love each other.” (Jn. 13:34).  That means, as Peter reminds us, “You must be holy in everything you do, just as God who chose you is holy. For the Scriptures say, ‘You must be holy because I am holy.’” (I Pt. 1:15).  So why aren’t we?  Shouldn’t we be showing people the love of Jesus by how we treat each other?  Instead, we seem to be doing a lot better job of making atheists. 

“And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’” (Matt: 25:40)

Encounter: In your speech, your online posts, and your lifestyle, are you making disciples for Jesus, or are you making atheists? 

-Todd G

Why Can't Church Be Like a Bar?

Have you ever spent any time at your local sports bar or pub? At the very least, do you remember the show Cheers? There is a certain allure to the bar, and contrary to what most “good Christian folk” think, it’s generally not the alcohol.

The best thing about the bar is that you can come together and hang out with your friends. You talk about love, life, sports…sometimes even politics. You share experiences, catch up on each other’s lives, help each other through difficult times, celebrate the good times. To me, those were some of the closest, deepest friendship connections in my life. It was community in its purest sense. And I miss it.

In a seminal 1986 study, Sense of Community, McMillan and Chavis identified four elements of "sense of community": 1) membership, 2) influence, 3) integration and fulfillment of needs, and 4) shared emotional connection

In biological terms, a community is a group of interacting organisms sharing an environment. In human communities, intent, belief, resources, preferences, needs, risks, and a number of other conditions may be present and common, affecting the identity of the participants and their degree of cohesiveness. In sociology, the concept of community has caused infinite debate, and sociologists are yet to reach agreement on a definition of the term. Indeed, one can find 94 discrete definitions of the term even as early as mid-1950s. Traditionally a "community" has been defined as a group of interacting people living in a common location. The word is often used to refer to a group that is organized around common values and social cohesion within a shared geographical location, generally in social units larger than a household. Wider meanings of the word can refer to the national community or global community. Communis comes from a combination of the Latin prefix com- (which means "together") and the word munis probably originally derived from the Etruscan word munis- (meaning "to have the charge of").

The community that happens in the local bar over a pint of Coors or Coke is like nothing else in this world. I know in my life I crave those types of connections, the total involvement in each other’s lives. Sharing opinions, thoughts, ideas. Views on religion, why the Cubs haven’t won the Series in over 100 years, how your dating (or married) relationship is going. You are yourself, honest, and even if you embellish a story just a tad bit, your friends still love and care about you. It all comes back to that single concept: community.

As I said before, I miss that. Now that my “taste of the Rockies” comes in a green can that says Mt. Dew on the side, I’ve lost my community. I almost feel bad saying that. I go to church every week, sure, but... What frightens me the most is that the more involved at church I got, the more I tried to find that sense of community like I found atthe bar, the more lonely I've become.  Why?  Because I realize that it’s just not there.

You can’t be honest at church, everyone expects you to be one way or another. You can’t really share at church because people don’t really want to hear it because hey, they’d be late for lunch. You don’t talk about sports, politics, relationships, things you’re struggling with at church. Really, you can't talk about anything deep (like God) because no one wants to talk about that.  Just "be cool" and "be different" but for heaven's sake don't talk about stuff!  So you go to church and pretend to be happy because everyone else looks happy, and if someone doesn’t look happy people are looking around nervously wondering who will get stuck talking to that person. I realize that’s a broad characterization in some respects, but I think we’ve all had some portion of that church experience.

So here’s my question for you. How can we make church more like a bar? I’m not suggesting we swap out the Welch’s for Merlot at Communion or put a keg next to the sound booth, but as far as the community aspect goes, how do we do that? 

Encounter: What kind of community does your heart want? How can we get there?

The Church That Doesn’t Pursue

Do you like to feel wanted?  Needed?  The idea that someone wants you to be a part of something?  That you are being sought out because of your value as a person, no mater the mess that your life is/was?

Do you feel like you are being pursued/valued/wanted/accepted?

It’s that last question that makes me stop and think.  In His ministry, Jesus went out of His way to pursue….well us, let’s face it.  He sought out some fishermen, and prideful ones at that.  I mean, a couple of those guys tried to garner special favor in the Kingdom!  He reached out to a mercenary fighter, and in those days that was a pretty politically charged thing to do. He went after a tax collector, who was basically the most despised member of society.  Jesus showed them what Kingdom living was all about in a very intimate way!

But He didn’t teach them about the abundant blessings that come from having a personal relationship with God so they could start a little house church and hope people stopped by to see it.  No, He sent them OUT (Matt. 10, Luke 9:1-6, Mark 6:7-13).  After His Ascension, these same men began to go out into Jerusalem and talk to people about the love God had for them through His Son Jesus.  But after a little while, God sent the people OUT again (Acts 8:1-3), and the Good News about the Kingdom was preached throughout the world.

So what happened?  Why don’t we do that any more?  At what point did the church cease being one that went OUT and told people about Jesus to one that puts together a nice little program for the already saved and just hope that people outside wander in and decide to stay?  When did we become a church that must be PURSUED?  Personally, I find it SO very, very exhausting to have to chase the church just to try and volunteer and help out, only to be met with apathy unless I can get louder or more insistent that I may have something to contribute.  Why do we do church like that?

Just before He left, Jesus left some very specific instructions for us: He said GO (Matt. 28:19).  At what point did we, as the church, decide that “Go” wasn’t good enough and “Come” would work better?  But more than that, how do we go from a “Come to us” church to a “Go out” church? 
Jesus made people feel valuable because He was willing to pursue them.  Why should we do any differently?

Encounter: Can you make someone feel valued?  Will you?