Sandal Dust

Over the past decade or so, there have been numerous publications across multiple denominations that ask the question: "Why are young people leaving the church?"

There are multiple theories as to why this is.  The church is to old-fashioned, they church doesn't "get it" or isn't "hip" enough.  The church is full of judgmental hypocrites, so why bother to stay?  The church has nothing to offer.  This is just a sampling theories, and countless committees and groups have tried different tactics to counteract the trend.  You see "flashier" services, complete with all the multimedia trimmings and contemporary music.  Where once there were suits and ties, you see jeans and t-shirts.  Many churches will bend over backwards trying to show how accepting they are, trying to be everything to everyone.

And is nothing wrong with any of that, and in some instances it does stem the exodus of young people from the pews, at least temporarily.  However, I would posit that most of the mainstream discussion and reaction to it misses the core reason people leave the church: THE CHURCH DOES NOT WANT ME.

That is not an easy discussion to have, because it can be a painful one.  Often, if someone brings up that the church does not want them, they are directed to a small group, or shown how the church has reached out to other people "like them" or in a similar situation.  But that misses the point of the church does not want ME.

But how is it that the church demonstrates a person is unwanted?  Through acts such as intimidation, humiliation, intense criticizing, insulting, belittling, and name calling that have the effect of making a person believe they are not worthwhile.    Sometimes it is not always overt, but through an "off hand" remark, or encouraging volunteerism, but when the role is done cutting people off with little or no word at all.  Insinuation that a person is not "good enough" or not "welcome" has virtually the same effect as if it is specifically stated.  And most people, when faced with that, leave.

Some of those that don't leave, even in the face of adversity (real or perceived), may fall into a different category.  They may not want to be at church, but don't leave because their family is there, perhaps their children are in Sabbath school, they may fear a public humiliation, or perhaps have developed a learned helplessness/hopefulness type of psychological dependency on the church.  People that have developed a "learned hopefulness" continue to hope the situation will improve because they wish this to be the case, and often times the offending party promises to change (LaViolette & Barnett, 2000).  Yet, in the end, they are hurt all over again in a cycle that appears endless and unbreakable.

Therein lies the core problem of why young people really leave the church, or why those that don't are not connected in any meaningful way.  It is a painful factor of the modern church, but it must, in my view, be a part of any discussion about the exodus of young people from the pews.

One of the Seventh-day Adventist Church founders, Ellen White, gives some sage advice that we should heed:

Christ's method alone will give true success in reaching the people. The Saviour mingled with men as one who desired their good. He showed His sympathy for them, ministered to their needs, and won their confidence. Then He bade them, "Follow Me."

There is need of coming close to the people by personal effort. If less time were given to sermonizing, and more time were spent in personal ministry, greater results would be seen. The poor are to be relieved, the sick cared for, the sorrowing and the bereaved comforted, the ignorant instructed, the inexperienced counseled. We are to weep with those that weep, and rejoice with those that rejoice. Accompanied by the power of persuasion, the power of prayer, the power of the love of God, this work will not, cannot, be without fruit.

Do we, as a church, still have what it takes to make a personal effort to befriend and come close to people?  Or have we simple fallen back to good sermons, good music, and a couple of tent meetings to get people to come to us?  Have we become more focused on filling pews with the proper swath of demographics, or, as Ellen White suggests, do what Jesus would do and build personal connections, friendships, deep bonds, with all people, young or old?

I would suggest that if we behaved as Christ followers, truly made it about Jesus above all, and treated people as He did, that the church would be bursting at the seams with people!  But if we continue the path of mirroring a Jesus who does not want ME to people, then they will do what He instructed.  "And if a town refuses to welcome you, shake its dust from your feet as you leave to show that you have abandoned those people to their fate." (Luke 9:5)


Encounter: Are we willing to get outside our comfort zone, leave our walls, and make personal connections with people?  Or are we content with the one or two that straggle in out of the dust storm?